Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Thus Spoke Dane's Neckbeard

Worried about Dane Reynolds' burning out on magic markers and neck pubes? Many bemoaned his premature exit of the ASP World Tour, accusing him of excessive hipsterdom and brattiness. His Declaration of Independence raised genuine issues, but many read it as yet another ungrateful athlete unwilling to make certain lifestyle sacrifices, sacrifices that we mortals like to think we'd die for given such opportunity. Dane reminded us that he is human. We didn't want to hear this. Curren was never human. Slater is a downright god. We expected more of the supernatural with Reynolds. I was disappointed to hear of his ASP departure because let's face it, there's only a few guys on tour whose surfing talents are worth a day of sitting by your computer in anticipation of their next live-streaming heat. Reynolds' surfing is worth the 3 AM wake up time to watch him rip J Bay. Not many others are. However, Dane's heats were getting ugly. He'd score two nines in one heat and two twos in the next. People were getting upset with him, losing patience. We wanted to see him win an event. His blog was also suffering. He wasn't uploading as much quality surfing vids; instead, he was offering more and more second-rate hipster art. I was happy to see him leave tour if it meant better blogging. The last two videos, "singles. part3" and "singles. part 3. epilogue," filmed during the past few swells to hit California might consist of some of the best surfing I've ever seen. Dane is back to achieving godliness in these vids. Watch the ride at 2:07 of "part 3. epilogue." Dane is approaching video game surfing on this wave. ASP judges couldn't reward it with a number high enough. They'd have to give him a 100, which could then carry over to his scores in the next few events. So rest assure. Dane is off tour, and perhaps now he can relax and enjoy himself, and thus take his freakish talents to divine levels.
http://marinelayerproductions.com/

2 comments: